Why haven’t you been writing?
general life updates & some freshening up
“Why haven’t you been writing?”
This is a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately.
There’s so much happening that I want to record but I suppose that’s the hold up. There’s so much happening.
We packed all of our things up and put them in storage and moved to Ohio for a month. I’ll say that even though space was tight, we shared a small bedroom with the crib, I feel like life took off.
The eclipse season rocked me but in the best way. I left the job that’s been draining me with no back up plan. I can honestly say I had been exhausted. For two years I helped build an extremely successful social media presence for our brands, but I hit a point where I felt micromanaged into the ground. It was hard to perform at the capacity they wanted me to, and it seemed like I was being phased out. Every week felt like I was getting chastised and expected to move on with grace. Meanwhile, my son was starting to reach new milestones and I felt like I was missing them because my energy was being drained by a toxic environment.
As soon as I put in my notice, I felt a giant weight lifted off of me. Let me be clear, just because I don’t have a backup plan does not mean that the Universe has something in the works for me. I feel it and I’ve also never been more compelled to get back to this medium as well as many others.
In the meantime, I’ve been spending as much time as possible with my son while my partner works.
We went to the Toledo Zoo twice and I got to experience him study the animals with bewilderment and curiosity. We went to story time and I watched him take some of his first crawls toward the cute little baby girl next to us. We hit the trails of a local park which was actually so fun taking in this extravagant gift of nature. These are not only important activities for him to do, but for me as well. They are reminders that so much exists outside of the small box we confine ourselves into.
And then we moved to a new house in Pittsburgh. Although there are boxes aplenty to be unpacked, wow. Just, wow. It’s cozy in all the right ways. It’s the perfect place to raise our son until we find a real place of our own. I’m so excited to snuggle up in the corners we intentionally created for reading, writing, entertaining, and spending time with our little man.
This is what it’s all about.
Being together, living and loving with intention, remembering that there’s so much more to life than the hustle and grind, this is the whole point.
With that said, September felt like the perfect time to release what no longer felt like “me.” Part of that was whatever I was doing with my branding on here. The logo, the paid domain, the content.
I was starting to feel pigeonholed and trapped in my own commitments.
But the purpose of this when I started it in 2022 was to create posts around how I was finding my way back to myself and how I could help others do so, too. Even though I knew deep down what my purpose has been - SHARING my experiences so others can feel seen and know what is possible for them, too - I still felt like an imposter because I didn’t feel like I knew where to begin. My life has changed SO much.
The only constant in life was all of it’s transitions and I have somehow been able to navigate through some of the most difficult ones and come out on the other side, better than I could have imagined.
And finally, after this transition into motherhood, it hit me that this was the great transition I’d been waiting for.
I had no idea when I’d get here, even though I wanted it so badly. There was a period of time when I actually didn’t believe I would get here at all. But all of the work and the effort I put into myself… it finally brought me here.
And you know what? It can be really, really hard, too. Motherhood can be hard - who knew?
I’d have these moments of guilt where I’d think, “Oh my God, I’m so overwhelmed and so overstimulated, but I wanted this so I have to get over it.”
So many things can be true at once. I LOVE being a mom, I’ve wanted this more than anything, and I’m so grateful to have this. I’m absolutely in awe of my son. He’s just amazing. He’s currently upstairs in bed, and I MISS THE HECK OUT OF HIM, but I cannot deny that I have some days where I cry when he cries, or I just want to yell, “MOMMY NEEDS A BREAK!”
It can all be true.
This transition requires quite a bit of settling in. I’m still me, but I’m totally different. And I can only be the best mom to my child is if I accept that there is learning here. Wounds that were once “closed,” may have only healed up at the surface and are reopening, begging for my attention.
The realization has set in. I’m settling into this great transition. I’m mothering him, I’m mothering me. I’m who I always was and someone completely new.
I’m teaching myself to try and have a little more fun, and to be open to the completely uncomfortable thing of just letting things move sweetly and slowly.
So, here’s the new journey.
Settling Inn… to Motherhood. Learning, living, experiencing it all through the eyes of a first-time mom.
Excited to go through this life transition with you. Hope you stay along for the ride.